Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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