I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
