My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
