I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
