Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
