just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
