if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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