her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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