I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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