Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
