I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
