Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
