We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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