Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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