how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
