So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
