i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
