i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
