I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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