mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
