Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
