Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
