I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
