Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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