can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
