worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
