I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
