I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
