Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
