You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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