the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
