my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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