Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
