textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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