she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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