i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
