i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
