i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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