: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
