turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
