There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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