I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
