dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize