Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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