Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
