His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
