I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
