I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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