When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
