What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
