Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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