There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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