finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
