Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.