Pappa wants mamma naked
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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