I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑