i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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