Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
