Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
