I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
