apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
