We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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