I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
