I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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