Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
