I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
