You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
