i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
