I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You need Xanax blowdarts
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
