I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
