I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
