I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
