Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was CRYING into my vagina
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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