You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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