New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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